Had Mario Balotelli been rightfully sent off against Spurs,
It certainly would’ve added to the list of this season’s wonders.
‘Cos had the unpredictable Howard Webb drawn out his red card,
News of it would’ve trumped Henry’s return or that of Gerrard.
There would have been no remorse from him, after an early shower,
Just hastily made plans for a night out in the city, while not undercover.
You can bet an offended Mario would’ve stomped out of the ground,
And left, but not before dissing the traffic policemen on their round.
He would have been cussing, swearing and ticking off everyone,
And taking it out on just about anything that moves under the sun.
He would have driven his Mercedes straight into a women’s prison,
Backed out, with apologies, and left before the inmates had arisen.
He would have thrown darts at the academy players the next day,
Or wore a Man United jersey just to make Mancini’s hair turn grey.
He would have gambled away a tidy fortune at the swankiest casino,
Or voluntarily given away all his winnings to a tramp he didn’t know.
He’d have spitefully called on Goran Popov and revisited that kick,
Or reminded good ol’ Jerome Boateng of the fight he did once pick.
He would have crashed his Lamborghini with cash in the front seat,
And then proudly said ‘Cos I can’ instead of beating a hasty retreat.
He might have even investigated tales about the mafia to add to his fable,
Perhaps only coming to his senses when faced with cocaine on a table.
He might have gone out on a limb and even set his bathroom on fire,
And then nonchalantly offered to face any fines and consequences dire.
He would have headed to classy apparel stores Macy’s or Bloomingdale’s,
And in a repeat of Bib-gate manage to get strangled on his own coattails.
Or walked up to Buckingham Palace gates with a friend or two,
And get them to shout out to the Queen, ‘Balotelli will see you‘
You would think these incidents would be too far-fetched,
But Balotelli has a rap sheet rAi??sumAi?? that is really stretched.
We shudder gleefully at what incidents might have occurred,
Had Balotelli got that red card he so obviously deserved.
He would have made it one to remember – a day of real infamy,
And insisted his legal defense simply be ‘Why Always Me?‘
So many potential tabloid headlines snuffed out – such a pity,
Featuring none other than Mario Balotelli, The King Of Man City.
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