Mind games peddler Jose Mourinho who had spent the last few months telling anyone who would listen that the FA was out to kidnap him and his family, has finally been placated with a pacifier in the shape of the Capital One Cup trophy. Shutting out Tottenham Hotspur after cruelly lifting their hopes up earlier this year courtesy a 5-3 Chelsea loss was vintage Mourinho. The Portuguese master tactician who used Louis van Gaal’s exemplary Powerpoint preparation skills to convince himself and Rui Faria that Eden Hazard was at the receiving end of some shoddy refereeing, finally looked pleased as the Blues ended his silverware drought.
John Terry hoisted aloft a trophy he actually had something to do with, but not before he had muscled a verbal guarantee from Roman Abramovich that he’d be retained for another year as captain and chief scout of WAGS for the Blues. In the meantime, Matic staked a claim to the future captaincy by Clark Kenting-himself out of a three-piece suit and into the complete Chelsea kit quicker than it took Drobga to feign Ebola and fall to the ground.
Chelsea also inked a massive new sponsorship deal with Yokohoma Rubber, whose name will be proudly emblazoned across the blue top. John Terry, who mistook the sponsor for a euphemism about condoms, has decided to stay uncharacteristically stoic lest he give the tabloids any more reasons to drag him, his beloved wife and numerous mistresses through the mud.
But all’s clearly not lost for Manchester United, if former legend Ryan Giggs’ latest pronouncements are anything to go by. Giggs believes his favorite Red Devils are all set to reclaim the title next season, despite their inability to hold down a top four spot with any certainty this season. It was such an incredulous claim that Newcastle United striker Papiss Cisse did a spit take conveniently near Jonny Evans on hearing it, just as the rest of all did with our morning coffee. Cisse apologized to Evans for his actions, but the FA stepped in to insist he had done nothing wrong and that it was but a natural reaction to Giggs’ prophesy.
Arsene Wenger who has tried to get so many monkeys off of his back, he might as well have been an extra on Planet of the Apes, has finally conquered the final forbidden frontier. Watching his team beat Manchester United, courtesy a Danny Welbeck goal was extra special for the Frenchman. It was also a special moment for the former United man Welbeck who had spent his entire career at Old Trafford without a single attempt at goal, or at the receiving end of a United pass.
Unfortunately for Angel di Maria, the Argentinean received a red card for an offence in the game against Arsenal. Earlier in the week, Barcelona’s assistant director Carles Rexach had claimed that di Maria was sold by Real Madrid because he was too ugly. In all fairness, though, Real Madrid have been known to make even Irina Shayk feel ugly. Nevertheless, as the referee observed him in close quarters during the FA cup tie, he agreed with Rexach’s assessment and penalized di Maria for looking like a million Zimbabwe inflation-ridden bucks. Louis van Gaal quickly responded by covering up the rest of his team’s faces, lest they be found guilty of the same offence too.