• Michael Ballack is reported to have initially refused to collect his medal on stage unless guarantees were given regarding his contract renewal. However, a source close to the club maintains Ballack’s initial refusal to walk that distance, was merely out of sheer laziness.
• The award ceremony also had to be held up for Terry’s turn to take the medal, till all the women within a 200-yard radius had been evacuated. Terry’s representative claimed the evacuation was standard procedure and not because his client had a tendency to hit on any female with a pulse.
No females in sight!
• Bulgaria is shaken by the failed assassination attempt on its President. It has emerged that the assailant shot at the President, 21 times from close range, and still managed to miss. Dimitar Berbatov has been taken-in for questioning.
• Fergie turned a shade of deep purple upon hearing Wigan were down to ten men. Talent scouts who happened to witness this rare occurrence, have offered him a contract to star in his own Broadway musical – Fergie and the Amazing Technicolor Face. Mourinho is understood to be very upset, as this scuttles his plans for production of his own play Jose and Amazing Technicolor Overcoat. The only comment he returned was ‘the better actor lost’.
• Sources close to Abramovich, claim his financial losses were because he was scammed by a Nigerian email spam that was traced back to Mikel’s laptop. Ancelotti has backed Mikel to the hilt, claiming his 24 year old can barely string a pass together, much less an entire sentence.
• Giggs, Scholes and Neville were honored for their longevity by the Museum of Natural History by naming three newly discovered species of dinosaur after the trio. The fossils were discovered in an ancient tar-pit, with the fossil of Nevillosaur devouring* Scholesalophus.
* or so they think
• True Story! Didier Drogba has formed a band with teammates Florent Malouda, John Terry and Joe Cole. Some of the names for the band, being floated around are “Rage against the Ovrebo” and “Effin Disgrace”.
• Deco has chosen to return to Brazil after Portugal rejected his plans, for setting up a soccer school there, by canceling his citizenship and declaring him an enemy of the state. At first Brazil refused to accept him too, but relented after England threatened to deport Lucas Leiva back instead.
• Arsene Wenger has promised to continue his club’s unhealthy obsession with young talent. On a totally unrelated note, Arshavin has proposed changing the club’s anthem to a Michael Jackson song.
Arsene likes them young!
• Rafa Benitez has vowed to stick on at Liverpool, till they win their 19th title or till Dec 21st 2012 when the world ends. Either way, the new Liverpool jerseys will bear the slogan “We’re scr*wed” in Chinese.
Please Note: The above piece of work is merely fiction, and does not represent the current state of affairs in the footballing world