Sorry, Vince. The WWE isnai??i??t the Global Leader in Sports Entertainment. That honor ought to go to the English Premier League. Itai??i??s in the very nature of the league to be entertaining ai??i?? off the field, mostly. Spainai??i??s La Liga may have the pundits gushing, but the Premier League – home of Chelsea FC and Manchester United and City – has something the Madrids and Barcelonas can never have. Magic.
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Chelsea Reloaded
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Take the flavor of the month for example, Chelsea FC. Isnai??i??t it simply magical that a team like Chelsea that completely lost its way under Andre Villas-Boas, could bounce so back so effectively?
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The Magic Of Chelsea
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Stamford Bridge – that den of Chelsea FC – has always been a magical place, that way. It starts at the very top. Roman Abramovich the proud owner of Chelsea could put the best illusionist to shame, any day. He specializes in making people vanish right before your very eyes before making them reappear in another totally different spot on the globe.
Don’t believe it? Ask Scolari. One minute the mustachioed genial Brazilian was sitting in the Chelsea dugout with the cameras flashing around him, the next minute he was naked in Uzbekistan staring questionably at goats.
Not only had Roman effected a Prestige like swap in locations, he’d also hypnotized Scolari into believing money wasn’t the “real” reason he shifted to FC Bunyodkor.
Sure Felipe, we believe you. It wasnai??i??t the money. [Insert wink at Roman here]
Another more recent incident bordering on the magical and mystical was Chelsea captain John Terry’s miraculous healing of a knee injury, soon after Andre Villas-Boas’ departure. Terry who had declared he would be out of action for a couple of months, declared himself officially surprised at how quickly he was able to regenerate his missing ligaments.
It must be noted however that Chelsea legend John Terry has a tendency to be surprised even at the most obvious of occurrences. He was stunned when Wayne Bridge refused to shake his hands simply because Terry went home to the wrong home; and Terry has already assured us he will be shocked to the core when Anton Ferdinand refuses to shake his hand when Chelsea play QPR next.
Back to the injury. Not only did the Chelsea captain return before time, he also gave a terrific account of himself on the field. Taken off around the 98th minute in Chelsea’s Champions League clash against Napoli, Terry made quite the vocal presence on the touch-line, out-screaming the real Chelsea manager Roberto Di Matteo.
After the public Chelsea love-fest that followed the 4-1 win, Roberto Di Matteo confronted John Terry about the latter’s motives behind his antics at the touch-line. As he ran out of reasons, John Terry clutched his knee and fell to the floor. The Chelsea captain has now ruled himself out of the City game and for the rest of the season. Or until this manager gets fired too – whichever comes first.
Chelsea’s legendary win over Napoli left the Matthew Harding stands and the Shed End in raptures. Roberto Di Matteo managed to surprise Fernando Torres by bear hugging the Spanish striker. Torres was surprised that it was the Chelsea manager, and not an angry fan demanding his money back. Frank Lampard, John Terry and Didier Drogba were especially vocal in their celebrations. Also joining in the festivities was a thrilled Roman Abramovich, who celebrated the occasion by firing Andre Villas-Boas once again.
Rafa Benitez has denied reports he was tapped to be Chelsea’s interim manager after Andre Villas-Boas was fired. Chelsea too have confirmed that no approach was made to the Spaniard. Said Chelsea in a press-release statement “What arbitrary unfounded threats we make to ensure our players remain terrified enough to perform at their best, is an internal matter of the club”.
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Manchester United’s Missing Magic
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Magic can run out though, for some clubs and players. After crashing out of the Europa League and the Champions League, Manchester United have confirmed that their official scapegoat Berbatov is likely to leave in the summer. The Bulgarian is now 31, has lost several yards of pace and is rumored to be depressed at having fallen down the pecking order at Manchester United. Sir Alex Ferguson expects to receive a paltry A?6 million for his former striker of choice. Chelsea have naturally started the bidding at the arbitrary figure of A?50 million. Sir Alex Ferguson fought back by publicly refusing to sell the Bulgarian for a single pound over A?6 million.
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In other news, NASA’s top scientists rubbished claims that the world would end in 2012. Senior research scientist Don Yeomans chuckled at the range of hoaxes and emails flying around, insisting the year 2012 would be uneventful and like any other. As news of Torres’ two goal brace in the Chelsea – Leicester City game came to light, Yeomans blinked into the camera nervously and gulped “Oh cr*p. Notify the president”.
With the planet facing incredible rates of erosion of its top soil, geologists believe the world could soon start facing shortages in cultivable land. Seeking to draw attention to the need for reforestation, the United Nations scoured the footballing world for a star who best reflects the global commitment to turn barren landscapes into thriving landscapes. Wayne Rooney, the mascot the UN finally decided upon, denied his extensive use of hair plugs had anything to do with his selection.
Weai??i??re not convinced, though. Thereai??i??s a limit to believing in stuff like magic.
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