News Flash – Football Is Rigged: Mystery Of Maradona’s ‘Hand Of God’ And Cantona’s ‘Kung Fu Kick’ Revealed

By Amlan Majumdar
12 years Ago

Was Diego Maradona’s ‘Hand of God’ just an impish little act? Was Cantona’s Kung fu kick simply an act ofAi??petulance? Is football run by FIFA? TheHardTackle reveals to you, the darkest secret in the history of football. Your love for the game, might just change for ever.

History, many say,Ai??is rigged. From time immemorial,Ai??theAi??world hasAi??been run by variousAi??secretAi??societies, group of men who conduct everything surreptitiously.Ai??Ai??WhileAi??the rest of us take these events to be unscripted moments shaped by destiny, the fact remains that everything is plotted.

ai???The most beautiful game in the worldai??i?? ai??i?? as football is commonly known, is not an exception to the above truth. Underneath its image of being aAi??uniting force, lies aAi??terrifying unspeakableAi??truth.

The greatest plot in human historyAi??unleashed on unsuspecting folks like us,Ai??is notAi??Justin Bieberai??i??s belief that he can sing.Ai??From the beginning of time weai??i??ve been made to believeAi??that FIFA controls everything in football. It doesnai??i??t. Long before FIFA came into existence in 1904, a secret brotherhood has governed the game. From Robert Guerin to Sepp Blatter, everyone has been a puppet.

This secret group of men, living under pseudonyms, has scripted everything that has happened in the history of this game. Every match, goal, controversies, transfer ai??i?? every action that has occurred in 90 minutes on the pitch or beyond it, is preordained.Ai??And you thought only the World Wrestling Entertainment was scripted! So, next time you criticize Torres for a miss or celebrate Messi scoring another hat trick, remember you are being deluded. From managers to Linesman, everyone works for this brotherhood.

The undercover brotherhood was named as WAG, an abbreviation for ‘World’s Amplest Goof up’. Interestingly, its method of operation does hold similarity to another powerful yet not-so-hidden organisation, co-coincidentally which is also known as WAG.

Every year, highly influential members of this group meet in secrecy, firstly to select their president (Who remains a mystery) andAi??thenAi??to planAi??in meticulous detailAi??what is to unfold in the world of football for the coming year. This year, this meeting was held in the Tresco, a small island in the Isles of Sicily. TheHardTackle received this news from a source belonging to this group (name withheld on his request) and we decided to run aAi??stingAi??operation. The mysteries that unfolded in the process were unlike anything ever excavated in football.

South American players, have come under the wrath of WAG, specially players from Brazil, in the recently concluded meeting. They have beenAi??squarelyAi??blamed for a potential 5% loss in the annual revenue of the organization, due to their nicknames.

Brazilian players who areAi??magnanimously named, with the likes ofAi??Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite andAi??Givanildo Vieira de Souza, better known as Kaka and Hulk respectively, can boast of having 75% of English letters in their orginal name. But according to WAG, they hardly put their name to good use. Financial experts at WAG have revealed that, if players like Kaka and Hulk would have used their original names on the shirts instead of fancy acronyms, it would have increased the printing cost for the shirts, hence helped in attaining even higher sell price. Vennegoor of Hesselink has been talked about as a possible example for other players to follow.

Vennegoor Of Hesselink - setting examples to follow

Other than the matches and events being scripted, most of the events had concealed motives. Football, despite being mostly harmless, under capable influence can manipulate the society like nothing else. The brotherhood under the influence of its powerful members have scripted many controversial events on the football pitch which has substantially impacted other fields of life rather than just the scoreline in the match. From money,Ai??sponsorshipAi??to Hollywood awards, everything has been rigged through football. We, through our exclusive findings, will unravel some of the most talked about on field controversies, which until now were never deciphered the way it was meant to be.

Eric Cantona’s Kung Fu Kick – A Sabotage?

The obvious is misinterpreted the most! When Manchester United legend Eric Cantona landed his precise Kung Fu kick on Matthew Simmons, analyst accredited it as the moment which changed the title race and handed it over to Blackburn, while optimist immortalized it as the commencement of ai???Let’sAi??Kick Racism Out of Footballai??? movement.

Enshrouded under such benign explanations, was a hideous plan. This famous kick, was an attempt to sabotage the career of Jackie Chan. It must be noted; both Cantona and Jackie Chan made a career out of kicking balls.

Cantona was ai???Instructedai??i?? to make sure that his kick, overshadows every other ai???kickai??i?? that year. This resulted in Jackie being ignored for any nominations in the 1995′ Hong Kong Film awards. No matter how many baddies Jackie kicked, it went unnoticed. In fact, it didnai??i??t end over there. Jackie was unexpectedly awarded a MTVai??i??s Lifetime Achievement Award, which in Hollywood loosely translates to ai???Thank you for your service. You may leaveai???.

Another example of how WAG can manipulate everything around us through football.

Diego Maradona’s Hand Of God – An Advertising Campaign?

Not all things go according to plan though. Diego Maradonaai??i??s famous ai???Hand of Godai??i?? was one such incident. Maradonaai??i??s first goal was in reality an advertising campaign gone horribly wrong.

'An advertising campaign gone horribly wrong'

Argentina were hosting the world Fistball Championship for the first time in 1986. The game, which is of European origin, was still lacking popularity in South American countries. Diego was selected as the unofficial ambassador for the game before the championship began, and what better way to spread the game than by Maradona, the nationai??i??s idol show casing his fisting prowess in a world cup game. But unlike what people believe, Maradona didnai??i??t execute his fistball skill properly.

Fistball is similar to volleyball, where a player tries to hit a ball over a net. Unluckily Maradona fisted the ball into the net. He was not ai???instructedai??i?? to do so. Another popular misconception regarding that goal, is that England suffered the most from it. Whereas, the fact remains, Argentina are yet to win a medal in the world fistball championship till date, they never got over the habit of hitting the net, such is Diegoai??i??s fandom.

Maradona, for his failure in carrying out the commands, was reprimanded by you know who. His illustrious career was slowly forced into retirement and controversies. The price for scoring a unscripted goal, the only one in the history of the game.

Les Bleus Exit From 2010 World Cup – A Political Campaign?

While Maradona’s miscarried advertisement campaign was related on another sports, political campaign have also been conducted through football.

In the last world cup, held in South Africa, French national team made one of the biggest goof ups in recent memories. Nicolas Anelka and coach Raymond Domenech were involved in an altercation. Anelka’s expulsion from the team following the fracas, resulted in a mass revolt in the team against the coach. Eventually France were knocked out of the group stages, having drawn just one game out of three.

In the aftermath, media and fans lambasted the team on their return to France, but what went relatively unnoticed in this chaos was the decline in the popularity of French communist party after this incident. Co-incidence? We will provide you reasons to believe otherwise.

One of the mostAi??highlighted fact about the French teams journey back home from South Africa was the fact that, they were made to travel in economic class. This mightAi??Ai??seem veryAi??innocuous on the out set, but this was ‘done’ to send out an distorted yet significant socio-political statement. Wikipedia says “CommunismAi??is aAi??revolutionary socialistAi??movement to create aAi??classless, moneyless, andAi??statelessAi??social order“. So, the normally executive class travelling French players were sent home in economic class, to depict them as the representatives of the idea ‘classless’, which in turn showcased them as communists. What could have been moreAi??detrimental to communist party’s image than them being represented by the Ai??nationally despised at football team? The Socio-political message was delivered to people. Raymond Domenech and Nicolas Anelka ‘played’ their part beautifully.

WAG, like FIFA, does have a lot of French influence in it. Our recent findings have confirmed the presence of French socialist party’s leaders in WAG, and how they have used football as a political weapon.

Despite all this, football still remain the most beautiful game on earth; the most beautifully disguised game on earth.

___

Categories: Around the World, COVER STORY
Tags: Dark Humour Sarcasm

Eric Cantona’s Kung Fu Kick – A Sabotage?

Diego Maradona’s Hand Of God – An Advertising Campaign?

Les Bleus Exit From 2010 World Cup – A Political Campaign?

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